This extensive examination of pogonosophy, pogonology, pogonomancy, and other ancient studies of beards and barbotechnology has everything an amateur pogonosopher could ask for! Including illustrations! It ranges from the technical to the romantic to the absurd. And, as promised, it does rank poets by beard weight!
Interesting fact:The strength of the whisker as a natural fiber is unequaled in nature – a rope woven of human hair has ten times the tensile strength of hemp and approximates that of steel cable!
Ten Simple Rules of Beard Decorum:Never flaunt the beard!
Taste and discretion first and foremost!
The beard is useless if the man is a cad.
Do not just the beard; tuck in your chin.
Don’t dip your beard in your vichyssoise.
Your beard here; the dowager’s bosom there.
When playing cards, do not hide an ace in your beard.
A beard disguises the face; it cannot disguise the soul.
Unlike the train of a wedding gown, a beard dragging on the floor is not a pretty sight!
Never flaunt the beard!
If 2009 was, for me, the year of the vampire, then 2010 was the year of the beard. That year, I happened to read two books, back to back, that prominently featured a man with a whiskered face: I Capture the Castle and The Year of Living Biblically. Both noted the horror and fascination people have with beards. I mentioned this to a friend, and he gave me an explanation that must have been quoting directly from this book:The commanding presence of the bearded man is a matter of ordainment, not accident. It is in the order of things; lambs and wolves, leaders and led.
Since that time, I have noted the mesmerizing nature of beards. And our beloved karen was kind enough to send me this instructive guide! Thanks, lady!
This book has everything from a chronology of barbotechnology to a description of barbotopia to a guide to beard flirtation to an explanation of the spiritual search for the World Beard. I learned so much!
This is also a somewhat tragic book. Our dear Upton Uxbridge Underwood, it seems, a model of Victorian prudery, realized the obscenity of the un-whiskered face and made it his mission to “clothe the naked chin.” He himself, however, could not grow a beard. He, therefore, became a prominent creator of faux beards, including the “invisible beard,” which women commonly wear.
I won’t spoil the entire book here. You will need to pick up a copy yourself. But, suffice it to say that after some remarkable adventures, Mr. Underwood left us with this treatise.
And what, you ask, do I look like without my invisible beard?
Wouldn't you like to know.